Distractions
So, you are sewing a dress, hemming a jacket, typing up your meal plan for next month, and writing your homeschool schedule for the week when the phone rings. It is a good friend who "knows you can help because you are home". What do you do when she asks if you can help her hang wallpaper this afternoon, because after all - you are just at home.
I wonder if there ever has been an age in the history of all of humanity when there has been so much to do. Wait - I know what you are thinking, "Well, our ancestors had WAY more to do that WE do!" Not that, dear reader. I am not talking about chores to do and the effectiveness of technology. I am not talking about "work to do". I am talking about "readily available activities to engage in". THAT is what I mean by "so much to do".
It seems that no matter which way you turn, there is an opportunity. There is NO way people can shout out, "I have no opportunities to do this or that." Opportunity is everywhere. There is opportunity to do good...and there is opportunity to do bad. And to be honest, neither the good nor the bad is considerably more or less available than the other.
Choices...decisions...opportunities...DISTRACTIONS.
Distractions are everywhere. Everywhere I turn, there is an opportunity to "make money doing this" or "save money doing that". But, notice how both MAKING the money and SAVING the money include DOING something. Everywhere I turn, there is an opportunity to "have your children participate in this" or "have your children participate in that". But, notice how both require PARTICIPATION. Hard work is good for you, no question. The issue revolves around one's needed participation in these things, which means that something else will go undone. Yes, that is the REAL issue here.
Prior to getting involved in ANYTHING as a mother is first analyzing (a) How big your "plate" is, (b) How much you can realistically fit on that "plate", and (c) What is already on that "plate". The "plate" is your brain, your emotions, your attention span - WHATEVER it takes to keep the engines running and keep you feeling true peace and enjoyment at your true calling.
"What about multitasking?" Well, multitasking it is our Achilles heel as mothers. We take on too much, and then wonder who will help us consume all that we have put onto our plates. When in actuality, it should not even be ON the plate! Multitasking is good if it helps you to do the main things that are already on your plate. However, multitasking is horrid if it means you now have two plates: one that the Lord has given you to do, and one that you chose to do yourself. That stinks badly. Most of the time it is nobody's fault but our own.
The good news is, once we own that truth ("this mess is my fault because I was unable to see what I was supposed to be doing right now, and I got distracted"), we can start to back our way out of it. Sadly, what we get into fast, usually is not very fast to get out of. This is true because typically, what we get into involves more people that just ourselves. So, when you engage in activities, volunteering, helps, and the such, you have to realize that removing yourself inconveniences everyone else. So, it is a slow removal and a learning curve applied - "I cannot allow myself to add additional plates again!" Keep just one plate in front of you, and respect the boundaries of that dish. There is only so much that can fit onto it.
"But hey! - I have a very persistent best friend who asks me to do lots of things all the time." Well, you had better analyze what constitutes "best friendship" in your eyes. If acceptance by that friend is what governs your involvement with her, you had better seek Jesus...fast! Your "BFF" should be able to see your plate well enough from her location. If she sees you with spaghetti hanging off your plate on all sides...meatballs rolling onto the table cloth, she is not such a great friend if she dumps a plate full of fried fish right on top...knocking even more of the spaghetti as well as fish pieces onto your lap. 
Likewise, if you have a husband with a busy schedule and lots for you to assist him in; as well as many small children (or older children...it doesn't matter, when you are needed at home...you are needed at home!); if you have many home projects going on simultaneously (or if your house is a wreck and you are making your way through trying to get order established) - Your plate is full! Any REAL friend should not only SEE that, but actually help PROTECT you from more involvements. That would cement your knowledge of her as a true friend - she is seeking out your wellbeing to keep your plate protected as you seek God's calling as to what goes onto your plate first and foremost...before any other ideas as to additional items. This is what you, in turn, should do for her. It is a blessing to keep one another accountable and help to speak truth to our friends when we see them stressed or distracted from their main course of work. It is so destructive and exhaustive...who wants to see our friends suffer this way? Not me. I would want my friend to walk in the Truth and peace of the Lord.Ugh, those distractions...what to do then??? How do we proceed? Well, it is important to keep a sharp eye when we are out and about at social events; and also when the phone rings for people asking and pleading with you to involve yourself in this or that. Practice your "no", in a kind and loving way. "But, when should I say 'no' to the distractions or 'opportunities'?" that I am invited to do? Here is a sample list, but practice coming up with your own:
- When you think you may be free, but will be tired from a previous day's activities - say "no".
- When the free day is sandwiched between two busy days (i.e.: Friday soccer games and Sunday church fellowship, Saturday is a free day between them...) - say "no".
- When your children are tired of being dragged around town (you can tell because you cannot remember the last balanced meal they have had) - say "no".
- When your husband has asked several times what time you will be back home - say "no".
- When you count back three days and your husband has had more time with his co-workers than with you or the children - say "no.
Say "no" to distractions from your main goal and calling in life. As Christian wives and mothers, we are called to have a Biblical world view and model of what it means to live as a woman. Consider your body, your ability, yourself, your husband, and your family. Yet most of all, consider Christ. What would He have me to do with today's time? How can I find evidence of that in His Word? Are women instructed to put themselves in this place of duty in His Word? How often?
The Apostle Paul wrote:"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 3:13-14
I love this verse! It reminds us, as Christians, to remain single minded. It is actually the exact opposite of what the world at large says; which is to be multi-minded. Multitasking is seen as gift, and it is actually operating within the homes of today's society as a curse. If you can do multiple things at the same time that are singly related to your current goal, and will not allow anything that is of full necessity to go neglected, then, sure! However, that is generally not the case. Normally, the things that require extreme multitasking are the things that are most likely to take us away from our first calling as wives and mothers.
Shall we even mention electronic distractions?? Oh boy! It is so addictive, it is a shame. One day, I went to the coffee shop with my husband and I personally witnessed at least three different couples seated together - each on his or her own personal devices. Is that a date?? Not hardly. What about spending time together and talking or connecting about today's experiences? I think not. I guess the worst part is when the children are with the couples and the child sits there and stares at the parents each on his or her own device. This is an epidemic, and so very sad. Then, what will Johnny want to do as soon as he is 12? He will want to disconnect through distractions - he will want his very own 'distraction device' to tote around and absorb through. We all use technological devices (I am using one right now!) but we should not allow them to use us. For some of us, the distraction of having a device is just too strong. It makes me think of the Words of Jesus:
"If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell." ~Matt. 5:29-30
Sometimes, the best idea is to have it far from us. If it takes firing up the computer to check on Facebook or Twitter, it may reduce the amount of times a person desires to connect upon that media. Compared to having a handheld device constantly on our person, we may find that this method assists us in "using technology" and not "having technology use us"!
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OK, I am off to stay focused...pray for me!
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